Should You Spy On Your Teenager?

Being a parent is hard, and it gets tougher with teenagers. Till they turn 18, the responsibility falls on you, the parent, to make sure they are safe and they make good decisions. Your strong parental instincts will often motivate you to check in with your children and even call the parents of their friends to make sure they are under adult supervision. Well that’s pretty normal, but what about spying? Is that a step too far? It’s true that your desire to know exactly what your teen is doing at all times could potentially ruin your relationship with them.

So, how can you, the meticulous parent, watch over your kid but without crossing that fine line so that you don’t cause more harm than good? Ask yourself the following. 

Why Do You Want To Spy?
First ask yourself what your intentions are. Do you really need to spy? Is your teen showing any
signs that he or she might be involved in inappropriate activities?  If so, as a parent you should
monitor what they are doing to make sure they are safe. If you have a good and responsible kid,
there is no reason to get paranoid. Your reasons for paranoia might be related to mistakes you
made in your youth, which makes it completely acceptable that you want to keep your child from
making the same mistakes. Therefore, unless you have a solid reason to believe that your child is in trouble, don’t invade their privacy.

Is The Risk Worth It?
When you use spy tools for cell phones to spy on your kids, your mind keeps its peace because you are aware of what’s going on. It allows you to act before they make a bad decision. The disadvantage of taking away your child’s privacy is that you completely lose their trust. When they don’t trust you, they also won’t be sharing a lot of things that they shared before.

Thus, when you start finding out about your child’s activities from other sources, you will stop
trusting them too. In a nutshell, spying breaks your trust in them, their trust in you, and it’s a complete violation of their privacy. Eventually communication breaks down and the lack of privacy
might cause your teen to make more dangerous decisions. The bottom-line is, is it worth the risk?

Are There Alternatives To Spying?
Unless your child has a history of bad behavior and dangerous activities, opt for softer alternatives than spying. A good approach is to tell your kids beforehand that you will be checking in on them and that you expect complete transparency. If you feel suspicious, you will monitor their internet activities, text messages and emails. Also, if they plan to visit a friend or go outside elsewhere, you will be checking in with the friend’s parents and will track their whereabouts on GPS.

When your kids know you will be keeping tabs on them, it won’t come as a surprise. They will understand that what you are doing is for their safety and it’s because you love them. In fact, they will think twice before engaging in something that they know they aren’t supposed to do. If they do end up doing something they aren’t supposed to do, you can freely confront them about it without breaking their trust.

As a parent, you also need to understand what your teen is going through. Think back to when you were a teen. Remember the peer pressure, social stigma and of course, the ugly stages of puberty your kids are going through the same, so cut them some slack if they are being rebellious, moody and estranged. Give them your support and keep them safe without eroding their trust.